Cats are the cutest things on the internet. Just ask this guy. Anyone with a cat can relate to any of the following tweets though. You can probably relate to them if you know somebody with a cat too, because they complain about all these same things.
My favorite common theme of cat jokes is that dogs are the most loving creatures on the planet and cats are the opposite. If that’s true why does anyone have cats still?
When my cat meows at me after I’ve meowed at her, I genuinely believe I’ve spoken some kind of word in cat language.
— Megan Everett (@moitoi) January 15, 2018
she's been screaming at these water droplets for 3 fucking minutes get out of the shower you tiny moron pic.twitter.com/rEw8V6SLCw
— corgi queen (@baz00per) January 11, 2017
Cat: Remember that time you told me you wanted me to stand on your chest with my arse in your face at every opportunity?
— Oonagh (@Okeating) April 11, 2018
when ur cat gets the fly that's been buzzin' around ur apartment causin' a ruckus pic.twitter.com/9rv7AWECKH
— Dave Stopera (@davestopera) July 28, 2015
[god making cats]
The cutest face & bodies ever.
In their paws, tiny razor blades.
And the eyes of that dickhead Satan.
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 2, 2017
When someone asks what I’m up to, there’s a 90% chance I’m trying not to pee my pants while waiting patiently for my cat to decide she’s done laying on my lap
— Morgan Paige (@MorganPaigeLove) January 13, 2018
ME: If we get nuked I hope my cats live. They can eat my corpse for sustenance. I'd be fine with that.
DAD: So you're still single
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) July 28, 2017
Sometimes I wonder if I spoil the cat, seeing him with his iPad, in his yurt. pic.twitter.com/45ScY3Rloe
— Liz Buckley (@liz_buckley) January 21, 2015
BATMAN: I got you flowers
CATWOMAN: Put them in this vase
CATWOMAN: *pushes vase off counter while maintaining eye contact*
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) September 8, 2015
ME: okay guys I bought a $100 cat tree and multiple beds just for you
— Sam H. Escobar 👻 (@myhairisblue) January 16, 2017
I try to be a good person, but it has been indicated that if I keep ordering the big bags of cat litter from the Internet the UPS guy is going to put out a hit on me.
— OPTIMUS WINE (@linanneblack) January 13, 2018
Coworker: [shows me pic of her baby]
Me: [shows her pic of my cat] Here's mine.
Coworker: That's a cat.
Me: Cats are just goth babies.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 26, 2017
me, when my cat stands straight on my neck, and chokes me out while he’s cleaning my face and purring pic.twitter.com/BhybMvIRgD
— ˗ˏˋ puff ˊˎ˗ (@fruit_fairy) April 11, 2018
My cat’s reached that age where he needs help cleaning himself. Licking his asshole is the worst.
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) October 16, 2015
— erin chack (@ErinChack) April 10, 2018
When you have found a book but have to confront the fact that you do not know how to read pic.twitter.com/YzpfTDmLBL
— new job haver 🌹 (@sp0ka) October 23, 2017
my mum: why is your bed soaking wet
me thinking about the 9 unsuccessful attempts to get the cat to drink water out of my cupped hands at 2am: i peed. that is pee
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) April 15, 2018
I bought my mom a book on how to make tiny hats for cats yesterday and she just TEXTED ME THIS PICTURE pic.twitter.com/n1a12QUaG9
— wendy (@pla2me) July 15, 2017
Bestial force unleashed onto the black earth. Countless armies await my command. pic.twitter.com/FKMw7FyqqV
— Black Metal Cats (@evilbmcats) June 29, 2017
"someday this will all be yours" I tell my cat, waving my arms wildly at a few amazon boxes by the front door
— claudia turner (@cloudypianos) May 26, 2015
Me: *Sobbing* One minute he loves me and the next he wants nothing to do me!
Therapist: That's pretty typical cat behavior….
— PRC (@PetiteRainCity) January 24, 2015
me talking to my cat 5 times a day pic.twitter.com/XldODAfqAg
— mothma'am (@drakesgurl420) April 4, 2018
[at the cat shelter]
Yes hello I'd like to start a tab, please
— moody monday (@mdob11) December 23, 2014
New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him 🙁 He's ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT.
— Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) November 28, 2012
[god creating cats]
"How about…small dogs that hate everything"
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) June 1, 2017
90% of having a cat is saying "Where is the cat"
— Ristolable (@Ristolable) September 2, 2017
“What did we ever do to deserve dogs?” – humans
“Oh, fuck off.” – cats
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) February 27, 2017