Oh yes, you read that title correctly.
One mother-to-be was upset at her “fake a** family” after they had poked fun at her for picking a rather heinous name for her future son.
But she did not go gently into that dark night, oh no. Instead, this mother decided to completely forgo her shower as well as take on anyone who dared make fun of her.
This woman needs a Xanax and a bottle of something so she can take a BuzzFeed quiz that tells her to name the kid Hudson — the basis being whatever her favorite bagel was this month.
You know, like how MOST of the population names their children.
A screenshot of the anonymous woman’s online rant was published to the front page of the internet i.e. Reddit this past weekend.
The post is addressed to ‘Members of the Squire Sebastian Senator Babyshower’, saying:
“It brings me pain to have to tell you this, but I am cancelling the event. I will text you soon if you’re invited to my smaller, more inclusive party. At least here no one will judge me. Why? Why am I doing this?
Because y’all have been talking s**t about my unborn baby. AN UNBORN CHILD. How can you judge an unborn child?? What is wrong with you??”
Remember the part I said about the Xanax? Still applies…
“To say this frankly, my friends and family have treated me like total s**t. They’ve spread rumors and lies about my child. No, I am not crazy. No, I am not mentally unstable. No, I was not drunk when I named my child.
His name is Squire Sebastian Senator. That is that. You cannot force me to change his name. This is the name I was meant to give him.”
Did someone threaten her to change it? Also, is God whispering into this woman’s ear? I sense a type-A personality going on…
“No, this is not his full name. ‘Squire Sebastian Senator’ is only his first name. This is how it will be. He will not be allowed to have a nickname, he is to be called by his full and complete first name.”
No nicknames?! What’s next, throwing a cello into his crib during nap time? I can only imagine this poor child’s forced extracurriculars.
“I never knew my family could be so judgemental. We come from a long lasting family of both squires and senators. If you look back in our family tree, the survival of this clan is literally rooted in squiredom. We are all related to senators too. This name conveys power. It conveys wealth. It conveys success.”
When she says squiredom, does anyone else just picture Squidward?
And the rant continues, but not before she bashed multiple ‘boring’ normal human-names. Please tell me why people who want to have kids don’t take psych evaluations again before being allowed to have children?
The woman continued: “My baby’s name WILL be a revolution. It will push people to question everything. Why name your baby boring and over-used names like Joshua, Brian, Sam, Nick, Mark, Bella, Marina, etc… when you can name it something special.
Squire Sebastian Senator will live a powerful, wholesome life. His confidence will not diminish simply because his name is out of the ordinary. Instead, he will be extraordinary. F**k you all. Fake a** family. You won’t get to be a part of my baby’s life and it’s all because you had to judge him.”
….all I can say is, let’s hope this kid lives up to his mother’s unrealistic expectations. I can’t think of anything worse than a Squire Sebastian Senator working in retail.
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