In a recent, viral Twitter thread — user Ryan Stephens revealed his biggest “hacks” that both he and wife use in order to keep their marriage both healthy and thriving.
“My wife and I have found that focusing more on being teammates and less on being soulmates is a solid recipe for marital success.” Stephens shared.
He then posted his six rules on how to be a good teammate to each other in a healthy marriage.
“No one should ever hear anything bad about your spouse from you. It’s one thing to joke with friends about something trivial and quite another to demean your spouse’s character. Know the difference and always discuss the latter with your spouse and no one else.”
Tip number two? Talk it out.
“Over communicate. You cannot read each other’s minds. Never assume the other person knows what you meant. Give each other the benefit of the doubt when miscommunications happen. Double check if necessary.”
And while you’re at it, be sure to do date nights — even if it’s a little out of your comfort zone.
“Try new things together. Even if one of you is typically more adventurous than the other, have fun with it. Trying new things gets an individual out of their comfort zone and is often easier as a couple, allowing you both to grow stronger together.” Stephens says.
It is easy to forget this next rule, but build up your buttercup!
“Be each other’s champion. Celebrate wins and encourage each other. Bring home champagne after a promotion at work, back each other up when engaging in that battle with your heathen toddler, work out together, etc. Never cut the other person down when they’re struggling.”
“Be grateful for each other’s contributions. Whether it be money, time, chores, childcare, or anything else, no one contribution is greater than another. And don’t keep score. If you truly value each other’s input, then the scorecard shouldn’t (and doesn’t) matter.”
And last but not least: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
“Trust and respect each other.”
“Especially in front of others, including your children. If you do not respect your spouse in front of other people, why should those people respect your spouse? Enough said.”
“Marriage, or any long-term relationship, is not *all* about love & romance. It’s about working at it day in and day out. It’s about choosing your partner every day…”
But Stephens is not the only one who preaches this.
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. is coauthor of Making Marriage Simple. Hendrix believes to have a happy marriage, it needs to be your top priority.
“The marriage is number one, the children are number two, and work is number three. If you make marriage number one, your children will do better and you won’t have to spend that much time managing them—and you’ll be more productive at work. But if you reverse those priorities, nothing works. Make it first. Make it top.”
He has been married to his wife and coauthor of Making Marriage Simple, Helen LaKelly Hunt, for 32 years.
To learn more on how to perfect your couple game, click here.
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