Whether you’re swiping right for fun or looking for “the one,” dating can be difficult.
And one man has it doubly hard — as he believes he has found not one, but two perfect partners.
So what does he do next? Ask the internet, of course.
The 34-year-old wrote into a relationship rehab column requesting help choosing between his two lovers.
The man writes how he is stuck between his “irresistible” high school girlfriend and his “dream woman,” who is “sexy and funny.”
“I’m 34 and am having trouble choosing between the two women I’ve been dating. One of them is my dream woman — she’s smart, sexy, funny and works in the same industry as me and I can see a real future with her.” the man penned.
“But the other one is my high school girlfriend and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to resist her. I can go months without speaking to her but then she’ll text me and I’ll fall straight back into old habits. Is this a sign she’s really the one for me? Or should I cut ties for good and focus on building a life with my dream girl?”
Sexologist, Isiah McKimmie, proceeded to give him a blunt answer – loaded in between with a few honest questions the man needed to ask himself.
She believes his description of reigniting romance once every few months with his high school girlfriend is a huge warning.
“What are the reasons you two haven’t been able to work it out? How is it that you can go months without talking to each other?” she asks.
Isiah also reveals that he seems to be “on the fence” about his “dream” woman as well.
“What are your deeper fears about pursuing this?” she asks.
The sexologist continues, saying:
“What did you learn about relationships growing up? What did you see modeled? Notice if there are any themes or similarities between what you saw and your current relationships. They may also explain why you’re having difficulty making a decision between these women.”
And while we hope he made the right choice — we have some fast facts for those who are in the dating pool themselves…
According to talk space, if you are dating someone who does any of the following — run for the hills.
Or, keep them at an arm’s length…
They only want to hang out with you in the wee hours of the night.
If you are worried they are just in for the sex, then you may be right. If your person only texts the infamous “you up” texts anytime after the sun sets….you may be in a one sided relationship.
They lie…a lot…
If you are finding yourself catching your person in lies constantly — this points to an even bigger issue: how will you ever build a foundation of trust with them? While a little white lie is – well, just that – if it’s how the person operates on a daily basis, you may want to start swiping right soon on someone new. Truthfully.
Their phone is like a limb.
While phone addiction is a real thing these days — if the one you love can’t be present with you and give you their time and attention — what will your relationship look like in five, ten years down the road? Addressing this with your partner can bring awareness to the situation and possibly implement more mindful actions on their part when it comes to spending quality time together.
Extreme jealousy from the very beginning.
While having a little bit of jealousy is normal in healthy relationships, in toxic ones, it can be alarming, scary and just — well, plain weird and frustrating. In healthy relationships, both persons are confident in themselves and assume the best when they think about their partner’s activities, choices and lifestyles. If trust is a serious issue from the start, therapy may be something your partner needs to seek to sort out their pasts and/or personal green-with-envy demons.
Constantly bad mouthing their ex.
Do we even need an explanation? Ugh. It’s not attractive and it’s awkward. As I always say at home: Alexa, skip!
Your time is valuable and should be respected. If you notice a pattern of your person bailing out on plans last minute — it could be a sign they don’t respect their time with you. And that’s not cool.
Not respecting your boundaries.
Consent, consent, consent. While love is sometimes made up of compromises, boundaries are to protect your mental and physical health. If you don’t feel right doing anything with your partner and I mean anything — you have permission to say no. And if they ignore your stance, walk away sis, walk away.
Keeping the relationship “secret,” or on the “down low.”
While you and your partner don’t have to share your love constantly with the world, never posting a photo or tagging your location can be potential cause for concern. If you feel like you are exclusive but only one of your social media pages reveals this, it may be time to have a talk with your S.O.
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